Sunday, December 18, 2011

Going to the Candidate's Debate

Welcome to the Mike-istan studios. Tonight, we have a debate between all of the men... umm, men and women... err individual things who will be running for president. Remember, come January 2013 one of these things will take the oath of office and be the most powerful thing on the planet, and incidentally, hold your fate in their appendage.

Only one question: As president, what will you do to return the United States to a constitutional republic with a limited government constrained by narrow, enumerated powers?

Barack Obama: You're kidding right?

Mitt Romney: Nothing.

Newt Gingrich: Drug testing! And lots of police everywhere and I'll arrest judges I don't like and no-knock raids and drug testing for everyone except me.

Ron Paul: Limited government is vital, unless it is controlled by the Jews, because they control everything. Did I mention Jews control my mind? And we don't have to worry about Muslims because they are controlled by Jews.

Michele Bachmann: I'm prettier than Sarah Palin, and my husband can cure the gay.

Rick Perry: I apparently have no idea why Texas is doing so well, and I'll do or not do the same things in Washington plus I've got more Jesus juice than Jesus.

Jon Huntsman: I'm a Mormon with no real principals and good hair - I'm Mitt Romney.

Moderator: Thank you for your time, and I feel sick.

9 comments:

doubletrouble said...

Y'know, this would be funny if it wasn't so sad/true...

Tam said...

The current GOP field scares me worse than anything I can think of.

There are a handful of smart (or at least smart-ish) competent people in the GOP that could have run and beaten Obama like a pinata.

The fact that most of them decided to sit this one out tells me that they are all pretty sure the train is headed for the cliff and nobody wants to be the Herbert Hoover of future generations' history books.

And they're all a lot more briefed in on the big situation than I am.

That's scary. For someone with enough ego and drive to be a senator or governor, and not want to grab the brass ring because it's guaranteed to electrocute the next person that touches it, thereby leaving the field bereft of all but the dim or the clinically insane?

(And I'll say this, too. I will bet you that at least once a week, Barack Obama kicks himself for ever throwing his hat in the ring, but he's got the tiger by the tail now, so all he can do is hang on and pray for a miracle.)

RegT said...

Love the fact you are willing to say what all the Paulites refuse to say, anti-Semite that he is. I gave a goodly deal of money to his campaign in 2008, back before I woke up enough to become aware of his dislike for Jews and Israel.

Obama does indeed hate his job, but he loves the perks that come with it, which I am quite certain those who work the strings he dangles from knew would be sufficient motivation for him and his fake wife.

I'm sure having to even pretend to be Presidential is painful for him, but I seriously doubt (sorry, Tam, not being snarky here) that he feels he has "the tiger by the tail".

He reads his lines upon the stage, then goes golfing or off on another vacation. Sure, the bad press and the bloggers he hears about are a nuisance and perhaps even make him grit his teeth, but he knows his handlers have it all under control.

The bowing, the obeisance, the millions of taxpayer dollars to spend on pleasing himself, the ability to suck up to muslims and listen to their call to prayer, all make it worthwhile to strut upon the stage and do what he is told to do, what he was bred and trained to do. If he has to pose with a make-believe wife, and satisfy his real sexuality discretely, it is a small price to pay.

His ego will insist that he remain in place for as long as his controllers wish him to be there, followed by a retirement that will please him even more, as it will allow him to more freely indulge his real nature. He might even travel the world as "Jimmy Carter, Jr.", mediating for the Palestinians, the Muslim Brotherhood, and other muslim creatures in their bid to rid the world of Israel, Jews and the Great Satan.

Another four years of this creature is unfortunately a real possibility, and the Republican party is indeed sitting it out, as Tam indicates. The disaster this will engender is something I think many on his team already understand, which is why you see Barney Frank and others (Harry Reid?) talk about not running next term. They do not want to be in position when things come apart. Especially since they were responsible for aiding and abetting the destruction of what America stood for in this world.

But I do enjoy good satire.

Pumice said...

Try to get past the TV personas. I have not read you enough to know where you stand on the issues but if you look at the long term record you will find that Bachmann and Santorum have long records of being correct on important issues.

Can they win? I don't know. When the GOP let Harry Reid steal the Nevada election without a whimper, I have my doubts about free elections.

I fear that Tam may be right in why so many are sitting this one out.

Grace and peace.

RegT said...

I forgot to add that, as I have mentioned elsewhere, the Republicans threw the election in 2008, so I won't be surprised if they do it again. McCain is a progressive, not a moderate. He could have pulled the plug on the Obama nomination, as I'm sure he knew Obama was never actually eligible, not having been truly a natural born citizen (means more than simply being physically born in this country, or anchor babies would be eligible), but he didn't.

I don't think it was cowardice. I think he wanted to let Obama rush us into socialism. McCain is an elitist who doesn't care what political system is in place, as long as he gets to call some of the shots on controlling us "rubes". Look how long he has been trying to get legislation identical to the NDAA passed. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that he made a deal with Soros or the other folks running Obama in exchange for his throwing the election.

Mike W. said...

An excellent description of the gaggle of GOP dimwits

We truly do get the government we deserve.

And yes, Paul's hatred for the Jews is obvious and his foreign policy is insane. He's like some kind of weird mad hatter. 90% of the time he makes good points. The other 10% he exhibits Kucinich levels of sanity.

Anti Money Laundering said...

Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules.

San Diego Wedding Photographer said...

The election is there again. One of the most difficult tasks of voters where they must choose the person to lead the country. I still go for Obama.

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pretty funny set of answers.