Welcome to the Mike-istan studios. Tonight, we have a debate between all of the men... umm, men and women... err individual things who will be running for president. Remember, come January 2013 one of these things will take the oath of office and be the most powerful thing on the planet, and incidentally, hold your fate in their appendage.
Only one question: As president, what will you do to return the United States to a constitutional republic with a limited government constrained by narrow, enumerated powers?
Barack Obama: You're kidding right?
Mitt Romney: Nothing.
Newt Gingrich: Drug testing! And lots of police everywhere and I'll arrest judges I don't like and no-knock raids and drug testing for everyone except me.
Ron Paul: Limited government is vital, unless it is controlled by the Jews, because they control everything. Did I mention Jews control my mind? And we don't have to worry about Muslims because they are controlled by Jews.
Michele Bachmann: I'm prettier than Sarah Palin, and my husband can cure the gay.
Rick Perry: I apparently have no idea why Texas is doing so well, and I'll do or not do the same things in Washington plus I've got more Jesus juice than Jesus.
Jon Huntsman: I'm a Mormon with no real principals and good hair - I'm Mitt Romney.
Moderator: Thank you for your time, and I feel sick.